5/16/12
Dear “That Girl”
I am writing you this letter, to inform you of the importance of not becoming friends with you. My fear of becoming friends with you is the greatest burden that I carry, for in my eyes our lives are better separated rather than being friends. I carry this burden of the fear of a friendship with you, because I’m afraid that if I become friends with you that I would fall for you. I know that the bonds we shared with each other mean a lot to both of us, but the suffering I put you and I through with all my emotions, my constant confessions, my annoying messages that appear late at night are far greater than the bonds we had. I just can’t see you suffer anymore, because I know that I’m the one causing all this pain to you. Although I miss talking to you and you clearly see that I suffer, you understand the situation and understand that this has to be done.
You were a very important friend to me, you understood me better than I understood myself. I always knew that if I had a problem or I just needed someone to listen, that I could go to you, and you would always be there for me. Even now when you ask about how I’m doing, knowing that you still care about my well-being, really touches my heart but also destroys my soul because even after all this time of not talking to each other I still matter to you.
Although I was nothing more to you than just a friend, I really do wish we could be friends again, it’s just every time I talk to you and we become close friends again, I end up falling for you and each time I feel as though I fall harder and harder for you. As much as I can hope for us to be friends again I know that this might never happen again. The burden of not being friends with you pains me so much, but I know this is the only way to solve the situation between us. Walking around with the fear of becoming friends with you is like walking around with tape over my mouth, every time you walk by I want to talk to you, but I know I can’t. Carrying this burden around means that I have to avoid you at all times, because if I don’t you would end up talking to me and that’s the last thing I want.
I decided that in order for you and I to both be happy that we were better off not being friends. This decision was influenced by all the bad times that we had as friends, all the fighting that we had, all the arguments I mean I know it showed that we cared for each other but it seemed as though every time we talked it was just constantly bickering, and I didn’t want to put that on you nor did I want to always be fighting with a person that I had such strong feelings for. It’s a choice I always think about, but I know it is best for the both of us. This way I don’t have to see you hurt, trying to balance my constant demand for you and to keep up with all of your other problems. In this way I feel much freer and I no longer have the feeling of jealousy when I see you with him. I felt this choice was the only solution to our constantly fighting and how much we suffered with each other.
